Probably one of the greatest songs ever written for known-adulterers Sugarland’s Stay
Just know that when you’re texting me with your reasons and excuses I’m belting these lyrics, putting you on blast.

But I don’t think that’s the truth.
And I don’t like being used and I’m tired of waiting.

I can’t take it any longer
my will is getting stronger
And I think I know just what I have to do
I can’t waste another minute
After all that I’ve put in it
I’ve given you my best
Why does he get the best of you

Why don’t you stay
I’m up off my knees.
I’m so tired of being lonely
You can’t give me what I need
When he begs you not to go,
there is one thing you should know.
I don’t have to live this way
Baby, why don’t you stay,

Holding On and Letting Go

Sorry it’s not a funny post.. you can leave now :)
It’s crazy how much your life can change in a year or a month or 5 days or hell.. even 6 hours. Right now is one of those moments, where I’m alone with my thoughts. All alone. Where I have a moment just to think how much things have changed in my life. Things that make smile. Things that make me do my squinty glare look. You know the one. Things that make me want to get in my car and drive at 2:09 AM and do crazy yelling things. Like in the Notebook, except I would be using more profanities and possibly kick someone’s ass. Some things change for the better; while other things change for the.. well not necessarily worse.. just different.
Sometimes life happens and changes become permanent without your consent. If anything, death is a constant reminder of this. Sorry, this post isn’t meant to be emo-depressing but I went there, and you know it’s true. Other times you find yourself in control of the change about to take place. Most people have found themselves at such a crossroad, having to make a tough decision. For those that haven’t, you can only imagine the pain of letting something you love go or watching it slip away. You can only imagine how difficult it is to have your head and your heart contradict each other. The incessant confusion and dilemma in deciding which side you allow to take the lead.
Constantly coming across this idea/question of “What if there is a way?”
It could drive a person crazy. Now imagine this person with a full time job. Now imagine this person working a job where he can’t use profanities to tell someone off. I think you get the idea.

When in doubt, I’m the type of person that has always picked logistics over feelings. I tend to voice it out loud to others, to make it very clear that I have a black heart with zero feelings for anyone or anything. I prefer harsh realities over fairytale endings.
Well, until recently. I was stupid.

I forgot that when something is right, it’ll come easy.
I won’t have to make excuses and exceptions.

It’s difficult to hold on and let go at the same moment.
It’s seeing everything you wanted. It’s seeing everything you don’t.
It’s watching one door swinging open and at the same time one door swinging closed.
It’s realizing some dreams find an answer while others never know.

Holding on and letting go.

Current Pretend Myspace Song: Iggy’s Black Widow
You know who you are.

Five Things I Imagine Hell Consists Of

1) OU Fans speaking. 

2) Wearing new tennis shoes and the entire floor is covered in dog shit. 

3) Hungry, lonely cats. Cats that are constantly meowing because they’re hungry. Cats that follow you around and rub against you because they want you to pet them.

4) A karaoke machine with Blake Shelton’s Greatest hits but you open to find someone has replaced the music with Montgomery Gentry songs. 

5) Warm beer and raw fish. 

Sleep Tight

“Don’t let the bed bugs bite” 

As a kid, whenever I heard this statement I thought it was just one of those stupid things old people say. Like pretend things, like “Santa Claus is watching you.” Or “Did the tooth fairy come see you?” Or “Jesus is white.” Ok no one ever told me Jesus is white; just seeing if you were paying attention.
When it was time for bed, you probably had some kind of routine. Before I went to bed and heard the “Sleep tight, don’t let the.. etc.” I had to brush my teeth. Depending on what tooth paste flavor I had at the time would determine how well I brushed my teeth. If it was something yucky, I would try and trick and my dad into thinking I brushed them. With gross toothpaste, I would try to get away with minimum brushing. I did this a variety of ways, still spending enough time in the bathroom for my dad to think tooth brushing was taking place. Some nights, I would let the water run and flick my toothbrush under the water. Maybe splash a little splash on the mirror for fun. Sometimes I would squeeze some toothpaste off in the sink. To later try and prove to my dad “See I did brush my teeth. Feel my toothbrush, it’s wet. Look some toothpaste fell in the sink.” I should’ve been in the Gifted and Talented program. I was practically a child-genius or a sociopath. Sometimes I would just brush my teeth without toothpaste. Each night I would try to mix it up. Then my dad would always check my teeth. Many a fights happened before bed time that were teeth brushing related. I would always have to go back and brush them; sometimes being directly monitored. That house was a prison. Probably wasted years off my life brushing/rebrushing my teeth. Ok not years, definitely 20 minutes.. This problem could’ve been easily solved if kids’ toothpaste didn’t taste like minty, bubble-gum dinosaur-asshole. Why can’t someone invent a regular toothpaste for kids that maybe doesn’t have a taste or tastes like gatorade or something? 

Sorry off topic. Back to bed bugs. “Don’t let the bed bugs bite?” Real funny old people. Everyone knows bugs don’t live in human beds. Bugs belong outside. Bugs do not bite sleeping children. Your bug jokes are stupid.

Little did I know at the time that there was truth to this bed bug warning. I didn’t learn bed bugs were real until I was in college and I saw a news report of bed bugs on mattresses on a college campus. I was like “oh someone must have left their window open, trying to heat the county, and a community of bugs entered the room in the transition and decided to live in a comfy mattress”. Peaceful, friendly, harmless bugs.. NO. Then the news report continued and showed huge pictures of a bed bug. The report continued. It warned everyone of the hell that bed bugs cause daily. It showed real pictures of bed bug bites. Nobody had ever told me bed bugs were real. If they did tell me I probably swore them off as a liar and from that moment I ignored anything they ever said to me. 

Sorry bed bug truthers. Forgive me. I did not know. I don’t feel like it was entirely my fault. It was the old people and their stupid sayings. Old people: maybe you shouldn’t be some damn jokey when referring to bed bugs around children.