& another one bites the dust.

& I wanted it, I wanted it so bad.

but there were so many red flags.
Now another one bites the dust.
Yeah, let’s be clear, I’ll trust no one.

Another break up tonight. Had to end it before it got too crazy. It was headed that direction. Quickly.
Hey here’s a tip, maybe don’t say I love you within the first week of dating? Maybe don’t make fun of people that live in poverty on your first date. Don’t call me derogatory things in public. Don’t use the C word around children.
I know you said you were going to anyway but you don’t need to send that shirt back I bought you. Throw it away.

One of these days, this will all come together right? Right? All this time wasted, will be worth leading me to something good? No?
Watching another one bite the dust is becoming easier. I’m worried it’s getting too easy.
Will anything ever feel right?

Then I attempt to move on. The conversation takes off. Similar interests. Long term goals. Steady job. Same sense of humor. More compliments. More jokes. More compliments. More jokes. This is it. This is good. Finally. Everything up to this point was worth it.
I just got out of a 3 year marriage, two weeks ago.
Red Flag.

& another one bites the dust.


Probably one of the greatest songs ever written for known-adulterers Sugarland’s Stay
Just know that when you’re texting me with your reasons and excuses I’m belting these lyrics, putting you on blast.

But I don’t think that’s the truth.
And I don’t like being used and I’m tired of waiting.

I can’t take it any longer
my will is getting stronger
And I think I know just what I have to do
I can’t waste another minute
After all that I’ve put in it
I’ve given you my best
Why does he get the best of you

Why don’t you stay
I’m up off my knees.
I’m so tired of being lonely
You can’t give me what I need
When he begs you not to go,
there is one thing you should know.
I don’t have to live this way
Baby, why don’t you stay,

Holding On and Letting Go

Sorry it’s not a funny post.. you can leave now :)
It’s crazy how much your life can change in a year or a month or 5 days or hell.. even 6 hours. Right now is one of those moments, where I’m alone with my thoughts. All alone. Where I have a moment just to think how much things have changed in my life. Things that make smile. Things that make me do my squinty glare look. You know the one. Things that make me want to get in my car and drive at 2:09 AM and do crazy yelling things. Like in the Notebook, except I would be using more profanities and possibly kick someone’s ass. Some things change for the better; while other things change for the.. well not necessarily worse.. just different.
Sometimes life happens and changes become permanent without your consent. If anything, death is a constant reminder of this. Sorry, this post isn’t meant to be emo-depressing but I went there, and you know it’s true. Other times you find yourself in control of the change about to take place. Most people have found themselves at such a crossroad, having to make a tough decision. For those that haven’t, you can only imagine the pain of letting something you love go or watching it slip away. You can only imagine how difficult it is to have your head and your heart contradict each other. The incessant confusion and dilemma in deciding which side you allow to take the lead.
Constantly coming across this idea/question of “What if there is a way?”
It could drive a person crazy. Now imagine this person with a full time job. Now imagine this person working a job where he can’t use profanities to tell someone off. I think you get the idea.

When in doubt, I’m the type of person that has always picked logistics over feelings. I tend to voice it out loud to others, to make it very clear that I have a black heart with zero feelings for anyone or anything. I prefer harsh realities over fairytale endings.
Well, until recently. I was stupid.

I forgot that when something is right, it’ll come easy.
I won’t have to make excuses and exceptions.

It’s difficult to hold on and let go at the same moment.
It’s seeing everything you wanted. It’s seeing everything you don’t.
It’s watching one door swinging open and at the same time one door swinging closed.
It’s realizing some dreams find an answer while others never know.

Holding on and letting go.

Current Pretend Myspace Song: Iggy’s Black Widow
You know who you are.

Five Things I Imagine Hell Consists Of

1) OU Fans speaking. 

2) Wearing new tennis shoes and the entire floor is covered in dog shit. 

3) Hungry, lonely cats. Cats that are constantly meowing because they’re hungry. Cats that follow you around and rub against you because they want you to pet them.

4) A karaoke machine with Blake Shelton’s Greatest hits but you open to find someone has replaced the music with Montgomery Gentry songs. 

5) Warm beer and raw fish.